IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and table below give information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and table below give information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
the table and pie chart
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 key information
that is
Linking Words
 during 2009, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom, some graduating nurses what they did after
finished
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
 their courses. The units are measured in per cent.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the highest
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
 in
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hospital
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
who working in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 section in 2009,
whareas
Correct your spelling
whereas
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time the peak in
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart was in
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 working in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 sector of destination nursing graduates in UK.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 table
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 the mental nurse has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower value
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 0,4%.
Follwing
Correct your spelling
Following
 that
paramedic
Fix the agreement mistake
paramedics
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a second number
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
who
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 section.
Also
Linking Words
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
community
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
 and midwives were nearly from each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 their value
ranges
Wrong verb form
ranged
show examples
 from 10.3 and 12.4
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
respective
Change the word
respectively
show examples
. ln terms of the pie chart, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unemployed and
furter
Correct your spelling
further
 study
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had insignificant
counted
Replace the word
counts
show examples
 and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 value
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2% of nursing
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
. ln addition, both of working and study and others
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had a minor amount.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: