IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

Globally many people are consuming
drinks
Use synonyms
 with high content of sugar
due to
Linking Words
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 cheaper price and availability .
Solution
Add an article
The solution
A solution
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 problem would be increasing
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 on junk foods and educating
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 or teenagers in school might help. Consumption of
drinks
Use synonyms
 loaded with sugar is the major risk
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 for obesity and cardiovascular diseases in
current
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the current
show examples
 generation .
Thus
Linking Words
 imposing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 on
Ultra processed
Add a hyphen
Ultra-processed
show examples
 foods might help to resolve
this
Linking Words
 problem . For
clear
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a clear
show examples
 example , they imposed higher
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on coke with sugar , which is unhealthier than normal
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 on unhealthier products
while
Linking Words
 decreasing
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 on nutritional food ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can motivate individuals to buy more healthy products and incorporate wholesome
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 into their diet which has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on their life
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 only taxation on products is not enough . Schooling kids and adolescents about the benefits of healthy meals and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 components in
diet
Add an article
the diet
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 important . Apart from that they should be taught about
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 consequences of drinking
such
Linking Words
 unhealthy
drinks
Use synonyms
 which might later affect their
overall
Linking Words
 health in future . In my view
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to solve problems related to unwholesome
drinks
Use synonyms
 , we need to teach people about its drawbacks and
also
Linking Words
 spread
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about the medical conditions that might arise
due to
Linking Words
 high intake of
such
Linking Words
 elements.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and support it with details.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points and make your argument clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Check the essay for grammar and spelling mistakes to improve clarity.
task achievement
You identified important reasons for the rise in sugar-based drinks and suggested potential solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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