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Band 4.5

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart demonstrates the various levels of the posy-school qualifications in Australia and the ratio of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who held them in the year 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of men who held skilled vocational
diploma
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diplomas
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, postgraduate
diploma
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diplomas
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 and master’s
degree
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degrees
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 more than
women’s
Check wording
women
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,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 who held undergraduate
diploma
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diplomas
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 and bachelor’s
degree
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degrees
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 more
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
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 males. For skilled vocational
diplomas
Use synonyms
 , males had a much higher
proportion
Use synonyms
 , around 80%,
while
Linking Words
 females had only about 10%.And the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of males who held skilled vocational
diplomas
Use synonyms
 constituted the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
.
Similary
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Similarly
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of meals who held postgraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
 and master’s
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 arrived at 70% and 60%, respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, for undergraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
, females were more represented , with over compared to
males’
Check wording
apply
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roughly 40%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of men and women with bachelor’s degrees
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the closest, at approximately 48% and 58%,respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, diplomas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Skilled vocational diploma
  • Undergraduate diploma
  • Bachelor’s degree
  • Postgraduate diploma
  • Master’s degree
  • Proportion
  • Gender disparities
  • Educational trends
  • Equal representation
  • Workforce demands
  • Societal norms
  • Significant equalities
  • Dominated by
  • Reflecting
  • Opportunities
  • Implications
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