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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and women in jobs in the range of 60 to 64 years in 4 different
countries
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and 2000 respectively .
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 see
decline
Add an article
a decline
the decline
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
employment
Add an article
the employment
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 for men in those
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2000 when compared to 1970 .
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 for women is almost stable and showed minimal change . Citizens of Japan had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 and
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
minimal
Add an article
a minimal
the minimal
show examples
 decline in
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 from 84 to 76% ,
while
Linking Words
 the
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
countries
Use synonyms
 Australia and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 declined gradually from
approx
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 75 % to 47 and 55 % respectively . The only exception is
belgium
Change the capitalization
Belgium
show examples
 which showed
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
show examples
 drop in
Use synonyms
employment
Add an article
the employment
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of about two -
third
Correct your spelling
thirds
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in all 4
countries
Use synonyms
 has very minimal and negligible changes with Japan with the highest
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 , followed by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 . The other two
countries
Use synonyms
 were almost stable .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, employment, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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