IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

These days, children feel enormous pressure to be successful in their educational lives;
thus
Linking Words
, some individuals wish to reform the curriculum by removing subjects related to
life
Use synonyms
 skills. I strongly oppose
this
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 because it may harm future generations, leaving them unaware of valuable
life
Use synonyms
 lessons. The deletion of practical subjects to reduce academic pressure is never a viable alternative for young kids. To be ready for the real world, all students need to have some realistic knowledge. Not all the children will become professors, doctors or engineers; some of them will follow different occupations where they can use the practical knowledge.
For instance
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, a study at North Carolina University shows
70
Correct word choice
that 70
show examples
% of singers USA have started their career
from
Change preposition
in
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 their school team. So those course plays a vital role in making a diverse workforce with skilled personnel. Basic
life
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is very important to start something at an early age. Practical courses like physical
education
Use synonyms
 make the newer generations aware of their health and
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
fit
Change preposition
to fit
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 future. Without
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
knowledge
Add a comma
knowledge,
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 kids will have the lackings of so many fields which could be learned easily when they are at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if everyone goes after academic
education
Use synonyms
, there will be a huge labour shortage in some specific fields
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of skills.
For example
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,
according
Add the preposition
according to
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 BBS survey, in Bangladesh, 95% of
teen agers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
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 don't have any idea about investment, and for that reason, they start so late in their career. In conclusion, I would like to say,
only
Correct word choice
that only
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 academic credentials can
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
provide an engaging nation. To diversify the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
filds
Correct your spelling
fields
 schools should offer
life
Use synonyms
 skill courses like physical
education
Use synonyms
. By
aveiling
Correct your spelling
availing
avoiding
 those courses the children will get to know more about different fields or else it might create an unwanted vacuum in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
task achievement
Try to include a more balanced view by acknowledging counterarguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on spelling and grammar for better clarity.
task achievement
You have clear reasons why life skills are important.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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