IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graoh below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

The data provides information on how many people participated in five different activities in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club had the most participants throughout the 20-year period with fluctuation,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, musical performances and amateur dramatics
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 the two least activities for 10 and 5 years respectively,
in addition
Linking Words
, a notable trend in
this
Linking Words
 graph is that table tennis witnessed an upward rise. The film club remained steady as it started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 65 and ended the second decade of the millennium with the same range of around 65. And
while
Linking Words
 musical performances ended the first 10-year period with the least number of members, it saw an upward rise,
in addition
Linking Words
, table tennis had the biggest increase compared to all 4 other counterparts, as it started with approximately 20 people and with just above. One of the key features of
this
Linking Words
 graph is that amateur dramatics went through a massive decrease of over twofold.

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task achievement
Provide clearer overall statements linking the data to specific numbers in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and supports it with details and examples.
task achievement
You included specific numbers to support your points, which is good for making your essay strong.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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