IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today in many countries in order to find work people have to move away from their friends and family. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The phenomenon is that in many countries in order to find
work
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 have
to
Add a missing verb
had to
show examples
 move away from their
friends
Use synonyms
 and family in recent years.I am in line with
this
Linking Words
 is a negative event for the whole society. Indeed, it is true that many
people
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 pursue higher salaries and better harvests to move away from their
friends
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 and family.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
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apply
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 the public who get higher salaries can gain more physical freedom to meet their ideal
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some employees would like to spend lots of money on buying their favourite advanced electric devices or have a long-term travel
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vocation
Correct your spelling
vacation
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, in
this
Linking Words
 process, they refresh and relax
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and get a sense of satisfaction. In
contract
Correct your spelling
contrast
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, if they do not have enough money to support their cost, they will think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
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 is
bored
Wrong verb form
boring
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 and monotonous without meaning.
Thus
Linking Words
, they choose a good job even though long distance with family and
friends
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, it can improve their
life
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 quality and satisfy the personality pursuing.
However
Linking Words
, one point is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friends
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 and family can provide more
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 to
people
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 who
work
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 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 hometown which means the public can get both physical and mental
supports
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support
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.In
this
Linking Words
 process, if they have diseases like brain diseases,
cold
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colds
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, fever and so on,
the
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their
show examples
 relatives and
friends
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 may care about them at first time and help them do some necessary things like buying medicines,
cooking
Correct word choice
and cooking
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 nutritious meals.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when they have countless pressure and stress or are nervous because of the little cases from
life
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 or
work
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, they can tell
to
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apply
show examples
these
people
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, they may try their best to
relive
Correct your spelling
relieve
show examples
 their emotional burden and defuse their bad mood, which is important to
people
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 have
positive
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a positive
show examples
 attitude toward
life
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. In conclusion,
Albeit
Correct word choice
Although
show examples
 many
people
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 choose to move away from their
friends
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 and family for higher salaries and better harvests in order to gain more physical freedom to meet their ideal
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
 and family can provide more
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 at first time to
people
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 who
work
Use synonyms
 in the hometown, including physical and mental supports. I believe that moving away from their
friends
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 and family to
work
Use synonyms
 with more disadvantages than advantages.

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task achievement
Your argument is clear, but it needs more detail to support your claims. Try to provide more examples and explanations about why moving away has advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between ideas. This will help the reader follow your thinking more easily. For example, use 'on the other hand' to contrast ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your sentence structure to make your ideas clearer. Some sentences are too long or complicated, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which helps guide the reader.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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