IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

Life
Use synonyms
 is a long process with
general
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a general
the general
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 scenario for all of us. And all
people
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 around the world think about cosy,
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 old years. But we live in fast development time and every person
want
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wants
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 to be a leader in
this
Linking Words
 social stairs. Many
people
Use synonyms
 choose a
Use synonyms
work like
Add a hyphen
work-like
show examples
 sense of their
life
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. That
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 a big important change: increase
retirement
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the retirement
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 age. One reason for early retirement is many
people
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 worked in physical jobs like factories and farms.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 had a
hight
Correct your spelling
high
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 level of early death and middle age was 50, so many of them didn't use
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, we can continue
this
Linking Words
 list so
long
Correct article usage
a long
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, but in the
common
Correct word choice
apply
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past person
hadn't
Verb problem
didn't
show examples
 many ways to choose their
life
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 road and
this
Linking Words
 point made many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
past jobs moral and physical hard. Today, things are changing. We have better quality
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
Replace the word
than
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then
Linking Words
 in past. Better medicine is a mean cause of longer
life
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 and longer
work
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 for everyone. We have different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
convient
Correct your spelling
convenient
work
Use synonyms
 in
office
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the office
an office
show examples
. We can
work
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 without strong
phsical
Correct your spelling
physical
 activity, only use
intellegent
Correct your spelling
intelligence
.That means we can
work
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 longer.
And
Correct your spelling
An
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 important point is
"cult"
Correct article usage
the "cult"
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 of
work
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. We have
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 marketing company which
provoke
Wrong verb form
provoked
show examples
 us to choose
Correct article usage
a carrer
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carrer
Correct your spelling
career
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 family.
This
Linking Words
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 interesting question for another dispute. But, in our time
work
Use synonyms
 is
Add an article
a sigh
the sigh
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sigh
Correct your spelling
sign
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 of wealth and we want to
work
Use synonyms
 longer. In conclusion, retiring at 60 was normal in the
common
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
past but today many
people
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work
Use synonyms
 longer.
This
Linking Words
 change
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 of better health, longer
life
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
new types of
work
Use synonyms
 and new social
priority
Fix the agreement mistake
priorities
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas better to create a clearer flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
language use
Make sure to correct spelling and grammar mistakes.
task achievement
You addressed an interesting issue about working past retirement age.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • economic necessity
  • financial insecurity
  • aging population
  • workforce diversity
  • knowledge transfer
  • cognitive benefits
  • age discrimination
  • physical capability
What to do next:
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