IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that several short holidays from school are better, while others think one long summer holiday for the year is better for children. Discuss both views and include your own opinion and relevant examples from your experience.

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Introduction
Some people believe that several short holidays from
school
Use synonyms
 are better,
while
Linking Words
 others think one long
summer
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 1
holiday
Use synonyms
 for the
year
Use synonyms
 is better for
children
Use synonyms
. I think a long
summer
Use synonyms
holiday
Use synonyms
 for the
year
Use synonyms
 is better because in the
year
Use synonyms
 they can
focus
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
on studying
show examples
 at
school
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, some people think that several short holidays from
school
Use synonyms
 are better because they think the
children
Use synonyms
 will have time
relax
Fix the infinitive
to relax
show examples
 and
focus
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on studying
show examples
study
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Vietnam
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a short
holidays
Correct the article-noun agreement
holiday
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in December at Tet
holiday
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. The
children
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 have about 10 days
relax
Fix the infinitive
to relax
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 they will continue
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 in
january
Change the capitalization
January
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think
ond
Correct your spelling
one
and
 long
summer
Use synonyms
holiday
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 is better for
children
Use synonyms
 because in the
year
Use synonyms
 the
children
Use synonyms
 can
focus
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
on studying
show examples
 at
school
Use synonyms
 and don't
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 have
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
holiday
Use synonyms
 because
at
Add the comma(s)
, at
show examples
school
Use synonyms
, they always have a short
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
 time. Some
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 think when
children
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
long time, they always
focus
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on studying
show examples
study
Use synonyms
 and
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
 for
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the future when they begin
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
.
Conclusion
In
conslution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 one long
summer
Use synonyms
holiday
Use synonyms
 for the
year
Use synonyms
 is better for
children
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but can be expanded to give more background or detail about the topic. Try to make it more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Include clearer main points for both views. Use linking words to help the reader understand your ideas better.
task achievement
Provide more relevant examples that better support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
You present your opinion clearly in the introduction, which is a strong start.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • burnout
  • rejuvenated
  • quality time
  • family experiences
  • uninterrupted break
  • hobbies
  • engage
  • disengage
  • structure of school
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