IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but other people claim that it is the individual‘s responsibility. Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, it is believed by many
individuaks
Correct your spelling
individuals
 that it is one's own duty to pay for
education
Use synonyms
 and
healthcare
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, others think that the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 because
citizens
Use synonyms
 of the country pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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. I completely agree that it is the responsibility of the
government
Use synonyms
 to pay for
such
Linking Words
 necessities because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multiple reasons which I will explicate in the upcoming paragraphs. Indeed, governments should give
citizens
Use synonyms
 free
education
Use synonyms
 because private schools are very expensive
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
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which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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increases the burden on parents and
night push
Wrong verb form
pushes
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 them to not have children, contributing to
low-birth
Correct your spelling
low birth
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 rates
for example
Linking Words
, in the case of China and Korea.
However
Linking Words
, if it is provided for free, parents can focus on paying for their children's extracurricular
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 sports dance and music which will foster
holistic
Add an article
the holistic
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 development of the child. Eventually,
this
Linking Words
 will ensure that the next workforce of the nation is well-equipped with there
such
Linking Words
 needed skills thereby resulting, in the growth of the nation. One of the other key factors is that
citizens
Use synonyms
 pay taxes to the
government
Use synonyms
 and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
return,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 should pay for their hospital bills as huge hospital bills increase personal debt and
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to financial issues which contribute to
surge
Add an article
a surge
the surge
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 in stress and depression and people
then
Linking Words
 go to extremes to not visit hospitals
for instance
Linking Words
, in the USA.
Additionally
Linking Words
, doctors and hospitals
also
Linking Words
 exploit patients to earn more money which increases corruption in the
countrty
Correct your spelling
country
,
whereas
Linking Words
 free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 will improve
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and lives of the
citizens
Use synonyms
 which will
consequently
Linking Words
 lead to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of life as individuals will utilise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and regular checkups. Resultingly, individuals will be more productive and innovative at work which will generate greater results and will lead to
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of the economy. By the dint of the aforementioned aspects, it is an important work of the
government
Use synonyms
 to financially assist people with
education
Use synonyms
 and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 to improve the living standards of the individuals.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps the reader understand your main ideas better.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples in your paragraphs to make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar mistakes, especially with singular and plural forms and some preposition uses.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and present your arguments well.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is easy to follow, which is good for the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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