IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In today ‘s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents ‘ absence. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Today's busy World has shown that couples
work
Use synonyms
 daily for
more
Correct word choice
higher
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 wages and
overall
Linking Words
 better care of the home
while
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that
parents
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 working together impacts negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
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the upbringing of the
children
Use synonyms
. I personally agree with the fact that working together as
parents
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 is of better result to the family and
children
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's support. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 that go out to
work
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 daily , make better salaries and when income is combined
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 gets big to
weater
Correct your spelling
weather
 the storm for the family. For eg; there is enough money to put the
children
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 in good standard schools,
this
Linking Words
 improves
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 learning,
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
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 quotient and
overall
Linking Words
intellectuals
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
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, good income makes it possible for the family to go on vacations
thus
Linking Words
 enhancing better quality time and bonding for the members of the home.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, I don't believe that
children
Use synonyms
 whose
parents
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work
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 together
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack parental support,
this
Linking Words
 is because in the absence of the
parents
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 at
work
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 hours,
children
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 are in school obtaining standard learning from qualified professionals and at
Correct article usage
the
show examples
end of school time, kids are back at house bonding and having quality time with the
parents
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 who are already back from day's job. In summary, I am in support that working as
parents
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 makes a remarkable improvement in
children
Use synonyms
 well
being
Verb problem
well-being
show examples
, upbringing, standard of living for the home, family bonding and togetherness.

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task achievement
Make sure every main idea is clear and fully explained. Some points in your essay need more details.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas and paragraphs better. Use linking words to help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. Personal stories or facts can make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion and a structured response to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good introduction and conclusion, which are important for the overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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