IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While something family run, business is the best way to run it. Others think family run businesses problematic, what is your opinion

It is asserted by some individuals that it is best to run a
family-
Correct your spelling
family business
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business
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others deem that it may be troublesome. In my perspective, both aspects are valid and convincing as running
Correct article usage
a family-business
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family-
Correct your spelling
family business
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business
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and conserve
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conserve
Wrong verb form
conserving
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 is the legacy of the family and There are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 chances of
failures
Fix the agreement mistake
failure
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. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, carrying on
family's
Correct article usage
a family's
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business
Use synonyms
 will cause problems as
one
Use synonyms
 would be unable to broaden his horizon in
business
Use synonyms
 and cannot experiment with sales and products. The primary reason why
person
Add an article
a person
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 must indulge in businesses set up by the family as it makes
one
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 capable
to run
Change preposition
of running
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 the legacy and heritage of his family roots.
Also
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,
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
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 of the economic principles by experienced elders
help
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helps
show examples
one
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 to follow those and maintain a dominant position and play
monopoly
Correct article usage
a monopoly
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 in the market.
Furthermore
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, the 'distinguished name' of the family in
business
Use synonyms
 helps
one
Use synonyms
 to carry out
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 ideologies and there will be
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances of
failures
Fix the agreement mistake
failure
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 as
one
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 is provided with ready-made infrastructure by which person will avoid making silly mistakes leading to loss.
Nevertheless
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,
the
Remove the article
apply
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another facet is that running a traditional
business
Use synonyms
 of a family does not facilitate the younger generation to broaden their horizon. The freshers have several restrictions and have no liberty to take their own decisions in order to run the
business
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 which will block the pathway of new innovations to be brought out in the enterprises.
Additionally
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,
further
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 development will not take place
due to
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 the certain boundaries assigned by the family.
Moreover
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, the
enterpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 will be unable to experiment with the sales and products which will result in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of range of varieties in
corporation's
Correct article usage
the corporation's
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expertises
Correct your spelling
expertise
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. In conclusion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
notions have equal importance as carrying out family
business
Use synonyms
 enables
one
Use synonyms
 to maintain
legacy
Correct article usage
the legacy
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 and heritage of the family and there is less probability of failing,
while
Linking Words
 horizon unbroadening and
uncapability
Correct your spelling
incapability
 to do experiments with
business
Use synonyms
 setup are demerits of
this
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 tendency.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well with explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid long sentences that can confuse the reader. Keep your sentences clear and direct.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your opinions. This will help your points be more convincing.
task achievement
Add more detail to your conclusion to summarize your main points.
task achievement
You introduced the topic well and stated your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You highlighted both sides of family businesses, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • family
  • business
  • trust
  • loyalty
  • decision-making
  • long-term
  • vision
  • quality
  • customer
  • service
  • reputation
  • growth
  • stability
  • conflict
  • adapt
  • change
  • ideas
  • personal
  • professional
  • stress
  • burnout
What to do next:
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