Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful are these for children? Discuss possible solutions.

theres

Correct your spelling

There is

currently an ongoing issue from

parents

Use synonyms

regarding the violence in their

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

games

Use synonyms

and

Correct your spelling

show examples

shows. I will be discussing why predisposing

children

Use synonyms

in their early life to violence and harmful stimulants

affect

Correct subject-verb agreement

affects

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

normal mental growth and psychology.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the

younge

Correct your spelling

young

one

grow

Correct subject-verb agreement

grows

show examples

into

Change preposition

show examples

the community by looking

and

Change preposition

at and

show examples

observing the

surrounding

Fix the agreement mistake

surroundings

show examples

and

actions

Correct article usage

the actions

show examples

of others.

Morover

Correct your spelling

Moreover

their undeveloped brain

still

Add a missing verb

are still

show examples

not

cabable

Correct your spelling

able

to differentiate

reaility

Correct your spelling

reality

with

Change preposition

from

show examples

ficition. For

Fix the agreement mistake

example

show examples

examples

Add a comma

examples,

show examples

we see many news

now days

Correct the word

nowadays

show examples

that

children

Use synonyms

holds

Change the verb form

hold

show examples

gun

Fix the agreement mistake

guns

show examples

injuring

Wrong verb form

injure

show examples

thier firneds by

mimicing

Correct your spelling

mimicking

their favorite

games

Use synonyms

or shows.

In addition

Linking Words

, statics showed that

children

Use synonyms

who are introduced to

vedio

Correct your spelling

video

games

Use synonyms

and action

figuers

Correct your spelling

figures

are more prone to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

violence in school and daily life.

Linking Words

Lastly

Add a comma

Lastly,

show examples

the young ones dont understand the

consequence

Fix the agreement mistake

consequences

show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

their

actions which might lead to

un wanted

Correct your spelling

unwanted

show examples

events. One of the ways for solving

this

Linking Words

problem

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is to start with the

parents

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

companies and

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

need to set boundaries when it comes to

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

games

Use synonyms

and shows.

However

Linking Words

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

the

Use synonyms

parents

Change to a genitive case

parent's

parents'

show examples

decision

Linking Words

Change preposition

show examples

the end to

decied

Correct your spelling

decide

which

games

Use synonyms

and shows their precious one can watch.

Linking Words

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

supervision

while

Linking Words

playing might help to detect any

age limited

Add a hyphen

age-limited

show examples

games

Use synonyms

and shows. In conclusion,

children

Use synonyms

can't be forbidden from

games

Use synonyms

or shows as we face the fast pace of life in technology and

modren

Correct your spelling

modern

worlds. But rather the

parents

Use synonyms

need to be more

responsable

Correct your spelling

responsible

nura9barzenji

Jul 3, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure to have a clear introduction that states your main points. It helps guide the reader.

coherence and cohesion

Try to use more linking words (like 'first', 'next', 'finally') to connect your ideas better.

task achievement

Make your examples clearer and more detailed to support your ideas effectively.

task achievement

Check your spelling and grammar to improve clarity. For example, 'the young ones' should be 'young children'.

task achievement

You have a clear opinion about the importance of parental involvement.

task achievement

You raised a relevant and current topic that many can relate to.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

235 words

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Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful are these for children? Discuss possible solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

.People nowadays tend to have children later in life. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Correct

You are going abroad on holiday and your friend will stay in your home while you are away. Write a letter to your friend, in your letter: - Explain where you hide the key - Describe what your friend need to do in your absen - Say when you are coming back

Nowadays, one of the widely discussed problems are about traffic jams. What we should to minimise this problem? This essay will discuss about it.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.