Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful are these for children? Discuss possible solutions.

theres
Correct your spelling
There is
currently an ongoing issue from
parents
Use synonyms
regarding the violence in their
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
games
Use synonyms
and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
shows. I will be discussing why predisposing
children
Use synonyms
in their early life to violence and harmful stimulants
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal mental growth and psychology.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the
younge
Correct your spelling
young
one
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
the community by looking
and
Change preposition
at and
show examples
observing the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
and
actions
Correct article usage
the actions
show examples
of others.
Morover
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Moreover
their undeveloped brain
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
not
cabable
Correct your spelling
able
to differentiate
reaility
Correct your spelling
reality
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
ficition. For
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
examples
Add a comma
examples,
show examples
we see many news
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
that
children
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holds
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hold
show examples
gun
Fix the agreement mistake
guns
show examples
or
injuring
Wrong verb form
injure
show examples
thier firneds by
mimicing
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mimicking
their favorite
games
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or shows.
In addition
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, statics showed that
children
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who are introduced to
vedio
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video
games
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and action
figuers
Correct your spelling
figures
are more prone to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
violence in school and daily life.
Linking Words
Lastly
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Lastly,
show examples
the young ones dont understand the
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
actions which might lead to
un wanted
Correct your spelling
unwanted
show examples
events. One of the ways for solving
this
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problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is to start with the
parents
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.
Although
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companies and
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
need to set boundaries when it comes to
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
games
Use synonyms
and shows.
However
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its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
the
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
decision
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the end to
decied
Correct your spelling
decide
which
games
Use synonyms
and shows their precious one can watch.
In
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addition
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addition,
show examples
supervision
while
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playing might help to detect any
age limited
Add a hyphen
age-limited
show examples
games
Use synonyms
and shows. In conclusion,
children
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can't be forbidden from
games
Use synonyms
or shows as we face the fast pace of life in technology and
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
worlds. But rather the
parents
Use synonyms
need to be more
responsable
Correct your spelling
responsible
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction that states your main points. It helps guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words (like 'first', 'next', 'finally') to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Make your examples clearer and more detailed to support your ideas effectively.
task achievement
Check your spelling and grammar to improve clarity. For example, 'the young ones' should be 'young children'.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the importance of parental involvement.
task achievement
You raised a relevant and current topic that many can relate to.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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