IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some businesses observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack the interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solutions can help address this problem?

theres
Use the right word
There's
show examples
 currently
ongoing
Correct article usage
an ongoing
show examples
issue
Use synonyms
 in some businesses regarding new
employee's
Check wording
employees
show examples
 when it comes to communications with their co-workers as they lack of
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 experience
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 an important role
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
I iwill
show examples
iwill
Correct your spelling
will
 be
adressing
Correct your spelling
addressing
 the
issue
Use synonyms
 and solution in my essay.
newly
Fix capitalization
Newly
show examples
 graduated individuals are under lots of pressure to find a new job.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 those with
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
litile
Correct your spelling
little
 practice and experience may face
such
Linking Words
 issues regarding work when they apply to one.
In Addition
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence and being scared of their position makes them less approachable.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 industrial life
been
Verb problem
has been
show examples
 very
competitve amoung
Correct your spelling
competitive among
 workers
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 interaction and communication difficult. On the other
word
Check wording
hand
show examples
, personality plays
role
Correct article usage
a role
show examples
 as well
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
have
Correct pronoun usage
we have
show examples
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 when it comes to
socialization
Use the right word
socialisation
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 people with ASD( autistic spectrum disorder)
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have communication and
socialization
Use the right word
socialisation
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 which is hard to
be fixed
Wrong verb form
fix
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they need to be
axcepted
Correct your spelling
accepted
.
On
Use the right word
One
show examples
 of the
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 the
issue
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
newly
grad
Use the right word
graduated
show examples
 need to work as
intern
Fix the agreement mistake
interns
show examples
 before having
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own positions. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it will gain them enough
knowlage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 regarding their work
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 before starting.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 they need to have
superviosers
Correct your spelling
supervisors
 to lead them through their first few months.
Although
Linking Words
 hiring
experienced
Correct article usage
an experienced
show examples
 employee might be a better idea but having fresh blood within the sector
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourages
 others as well and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the
bussnies
Correct your spelling
businesses
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
. In conclusion, we all
did start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 from the bottom once, so giving chances to new graduates and supporting them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 one of the solutions that can be made
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Although
Linking Words
 they are still developing and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 but with hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and trying things
changes
Correct subject-verb agreement
change
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points and follow a logical order in your essay. Each paragraph should focus on one idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. This helps in understanding the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving grammar and vocabulary. This will enhance the clarity of your writing and help convey your ideas better.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant issue and provided some possible reasons and solutions.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes your essay and reflects on the need to support new graduates, which is a positive point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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