IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some argue that
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 at work is a priority as compared to
permanent
Correct article usage
a permanent
show examples
 post,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
job
Use synonyms
 security is far more important than
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
conclusion
Correct article usage
a conclusion
show examples
. Many factors
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contribute to
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
near
Use the right word
a nearby
show examples
 workplace,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 supervisor, great co-workers and
non-toxic
Correct article usage
a non-toxic
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 environment at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to choose jobs that
fulfill
Use the right word
fulfil
show examples
 these
criteria
Punctuation problem
criteria,
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although
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 the wages that they receive are lower than their
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
Job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is crucial for their mental health. Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are stressed up because of the toxic environment
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as difficult colleagues at the workplace.
This
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 eventually results in non-permanent jobs because they keep changing their work to meet their
satisfaction
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, certain
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to have a permanent
job
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 it does not satisfy their
satisfaction
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because
job
Use synonyms
 hunting could be a hassle
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, with the difficult economic situation, it is better to accept any
job
Use synonyms
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
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 the income is less than expected.
For instance
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, in Malaysia, most of the foreigners from Bangladesh and Indonesia are working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the construction sector because they have no
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their homeland. Apart from that,
this
Linking Words
 development happens because local
people
Use synonyms
are refused
Wrong verb form
refuse
show examples
 to work under
hot
Correct article usage
the hot
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 sun as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laborer
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
. In conclusion, different
people
Use synonyms
 have different expectations in their
job
Use synonyms
 perspective, either
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 or security. Both are very important depending on their purpose of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
. The employer should not take it for granted by
limit
Replace the word
limiting
show examples
employee’s
Check wording
employees’
show examples
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 if they choose to have
job
Use synonyms
 security.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear, but it could include a brief overview of the main points you will discuss. This helps set the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'firstly,' 'however,' and 'for example' to help your reader follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support that idea. This will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Include more examples that are directly related to your points. This will help support your ideas and show your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes the main points but could be stronger with a clear statement of your personal opinion on the matter.
task achievement
You have made good points about job satisfaction and job security.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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