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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart presents the proportion of male and female teachers in six different types of schooling settings in the United Kingdom in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of women as a
percentage
Use synonyms
 in the pre-school or nursery was the highest.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 as a
percentage
Use synonyms
 in universities was the largest. For pre-schools or nurseries and primary schools,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 was higher than
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 exceeded
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in universities and private training institutes. At the pre-schools and primary schools,
woman
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was approximately 95% of the total. In comparison,
men
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 5% which is a big gap.
However
Linking Words
, for the secondary school and the college,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 increased to almost the same as
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of women, which decreased to about 50% for both. In the private training institutes, it was the first time that
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 exceeded
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
, with
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 being almost 55% but
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 was about 45%. In universities
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 reached approximately 70% which is a significant growth.
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 decreased to about 30%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, percentage, men, woman with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 13 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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