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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools are spending more time in traditional subjects like history etc. They should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help them find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Learning
skills
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very crucial in life, as schools only teach basic
subjects
Use synonyms
 to students. Some believe institutions should devote more hours to teaching the
skills
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 that can benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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learners to get a job in the future. I fully agree with
this
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 because in today's society, employers tend to look for a
skillful
Use the right word
skilful
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person
Use synonyms
. Traditional courses are
also
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 helpful as they give information about ancient times.
Firstly
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, job providers tend to look for a
person
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 who has good communication
skills
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.
Therefore
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, they look for these types of individuals who can grow the company to the next level. To reach that, a
person
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 should have the ability to convince the customer.
Besides
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 that, schools are the first choice to develop the basic knowledge and structure
which
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, which
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 makes learning easier. So,
that is
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 why they should
also
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 add teaching
skills
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.
For example
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, technology is being used in every sector of jobs, and teaching these things will develop the foundations which are needed.
On the other hand
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, traditional
subjects
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 should not be focused
as
Change preposition
on as
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 much, as they are not important to navigate the work easily.
Subjects
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,
such
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 as history
usually
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, usually
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 do not provide essential learning
that is
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 required in
today
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today's
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 occupation.
In addition
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, history is just about the past, which is a complete waste of time and puts extra stress on students.
This
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 time should be replaced with learning new
skills
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 that
actually can
Correct word order
can actually
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 be beneficial for the learners.
To conclude
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, I agree that teaching
skills
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 should have more time, as they can help
get a
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a person get
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person
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 a job.
While
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 other
subjects
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 are not seen to be any more effective
to get
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in getting
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 a good occupation.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more real-life examples to support your arguments, as this makes your essay stronger.
task achievement
You've highlighted the importance of skills for employment well.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction shows a clear opinion right away, which is great.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional
  • subjects
  • skills
  • help
  • find
  • job
  • agree
  • disagree
  • important
  • learn
  • valuable
  • culture
  • past
  • future
  • decisions
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving
  • workplace
  • offer
  • classes
  • coding
  • accounting
  • graphic design
  • opportunities
  • spending
  • time
  • critical
  • creative
  • employers
  • balance
  • students
  • well-rounded
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