IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Today,several visitors are willing to approach places that they had no access to in the past, like the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic.
Although
Linking Words
 these types of trips may have advantages for the individuals , I completely disagree with them because of the dangerous situations for tourists and environmental issues in these are that can occur. Travelling to an unknown area can cause a lot of trouble for visitors because of hardship and unwanted attacks from wild animals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can cause serious health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 in places that may be
are
Verb problem
apply
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deprived of hospitals with important facilities for emergency operations.Research shows that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 35 per cent of people who are injured by animals may face vital health problems in their lives
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as amputations of legs or hands or other serious issues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, travelling to these areas may cause environmental problems for our planet
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as widespread fires.If travellers have to stay in the tents, they should make a fire for preparing meals or smoking.
Although
Linking Words
 lots of visitors are worried about fire disputes in nature but many of them may leave heat when they want to abandon.
For example
Linking Words
, if people make heat for barbecue, it may lead to massive issues if they leave it without any caution ;
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 it can be an extra issue for these areas.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 facing problems can be suitable for individuals to make them stronger,I think the drawbacks of these for them or these areas are more
harmfulm
Correct your spelling
harmful
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they must be banned or authorised by governments.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It can be confusing when you disagree but also discuss advantages.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences back it up.
task achievement
Try to add more detailed examples to support your points, such as personal experiences or well-known incidents.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and sentence structure. This will help make your ideas clearer.
positive
You have chosen an interesting and relevant topic.
positive
Your essay has a clear opinion, showing that you have thought about the issue.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
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