IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph demonstrates the number of
pariticipants
Correct your spelling
participants
 for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club attracted more city people, so
this
Linking Words
 was the reason why it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 the direction for 20 years. Opposite, urban
residents
Use synonyms
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 prefer amateur dramatics, so
this
Linking Words
 activity declined rapidly from 2005 to 2020. Film club leads the line graph,
maintain
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintains
show examples
 a period of stability with more than 60 participants in 2000, declined
60
Change preposition
by 60
show examples
residents
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and 65
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 10 years
later
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, martial arts
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 closely
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club with 36 urban
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 2000, 38
residents
Use synonyms
 in 2010
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 dropped to 3rd place, after table tennis in 2020. Table tennis has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climbed quickly from 2010 to 2020. In 2000,
this
Linking Words
 sport had 25
pariticipants
Correct your spelling
participants
, after martial arts, declined to 20
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 2010, but rose rapidly to more than 50
residents
Use synonyms
 in 2020. Started in 2005 with 0
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, musical performances attracted city dwellers and increased to less than 20
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 2020. Opposite,
residents
Use synonyms
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 prefer amateur dramatics, so
this
Linking Words
 is the reason why
this
Linking Words
 activity has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dipped sharply on 15 years. In 2000, amateur dramatics had more than 20
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, increased to 28 in 2005
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 decreased to the bottom of the line graph in 2020,
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
Covid
Check wording
COVID-19
show examples
epidemic
Use the right word
pandemic
show examples
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 than 10
residents
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words residents, peoples with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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