IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Participation by 5 to 14-years-old in selected leisure activities (Australia)

The chart shows the number of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 in Australia who take part in five different leisure activities.
Overall
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, we can say that
boys
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’ participation in these activities was greater than that of
girls
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. It is immediately clear that the most popular leisure time activity among
this
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 age group is watching television. Almost all children in Australia are spending their free time in
this
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 way, and
this
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 is true for both
boys
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 and
girls
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.
However
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, in three of the four remaining activities,
boys
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’ participation was significantly greater than that of
girls
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. The next popular activity is playing computer games. Four out of five
boys
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 enjoy these games, compared to almost three in four
girls
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. Bike riding follows computer games in terms of popularity. Just under three-quarters of
boys
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 say they like cycling, compared to approximately a fifth of all
girls
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. The only activity which has become more popular with
girls
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 than with
boys
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 is art and craft. Just over 50 per cent of
girls
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 enjoy
this
Linking Words
 pastime, compared to only about a quarter of
boys
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. The figures seem to suggest that the stereotypical image of
boys
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 being more active and
girls
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 more artistic or creative still holds some truth in Australian society.

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task achievement
Clearly state all the main points in the introduction to prepare the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Expand on the conclusion to summarize the main findings and make it more impactful.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear overview of the participation levels in various activities.
task achievement
Examples from the data are presented clearly, showing a good understanding of the chart.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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