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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens. Write a report for a university lecture describing the information below.

The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens. Write a report for a university lecture describing the information below.
The graph above is a pie chart illustrating a comparison of the expenses during the time 1966 and 1996, in the United States of America, in different areas, first
food
Use synonyms
, second gas, third restaurants, fourth furniture, fifth laptops,
also
Linking Words
 in the
last
Linking Words
 books. In the year of 1966, the highest consumption of money was
food
Use synonyms
 , with 44% nearly half.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 motorcars had 23%. The lowest rank in the expenses was the computers with 1% only. In the year of 1996, the top category in the pie chart was cars , 45%.
Also
Linking Words
, both
food
Use synonyms
 and restaurants have the same percentage of 14.
However
Linking Words
, the books are
top-down
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in order.
Overall
Linking Words
, in comparison, we notice
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 1996 the
food
Use synonyms
 reduced
30
Change preposition
by 30
show examples
% from what it was in 1966.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the veicales increased nearly twofold from what it was in the past, from 23% to 45%. the restaurants in 1966 was 7%, but after 30 years doubled twice.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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