IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

Some
companies
Use synonyms
 tend to provide a free fitness membership to their staff because it will make them more active and much healthier
emotionally
Punctuation problem
, emotionally
show examples
 and physically.
However
Linking Words
, other
companies
Use synonyms
 suggested that
this
Linking Words
 is not
Correct article usage
an essintial
show examples
essintial
Correct your spelling
essential
 thing to be offered. Gym memberships are
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 way to enhance the
realtionship
Correct your spelling
relationship
 between
employers
Use synonyms
 and employees. It
Linking Words
also will
Correct word order
will also
show examples
 increase the
work
Use synonyms
 quality in the
company
Use synonyms
 as
workers
Use synonyms
 who are physically active will be more focused and will produce better. Another benefit is that sport is
fundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 for the mental health of the staff since it is
sicntifically
Correct your spelling
scientifically
 approved that it reduces the stress levels. Employees who
workout
Use the right word
work out
show examples
 together will bond more
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it will create an inviting
work
Use synonyms
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. 
For example
Linking Words
, big
companies
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Google
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
gymes
Correct your spelling
gyms
 in their office
bulidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 with free access for
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 staff.
However
Linking Words
, some
employers
Use synonyms
suggests
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggest
show examples
 that there is no benefit of offering fitness memberships to their employees because it will cost the
company
Use synonyms
 a lot of money with no direct
retuern
Correct your spelling
return
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
workers
Use synonyms
 are going to be less loyal to their
companies
Use synonyms
 as they will feel that their
employers
Use synonyms
 are not
welling
Use the right word
willing
show examples
 to take care of them.
Also
Linking Words
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the main reason behind hiring them is to bring as much money to the
company
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it will
creates
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 a bad
work
Use synonyms
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study found that the
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
 of
companies
Use synonyms
 with less attractive benefits is worse than those
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 provide a lot of offers to
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, offering free sport memberships by
employers
Use synonyms
 is important to have a better
work
Use synonyms
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 and more loyal
workers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 offering them nothing will have negative consequences on the
company
Use synonyms
's
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction lacks clear background information. Try to provide a brief overview of the topic before stating your opinion.
Coherence
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'however', 'additionally', or 'for instance' to improve flow.
Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Words like 'essential', 'fundamental', 'scientifically', and 'environment' need to be spelled correctly to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, which add value to your essay.
Coherence
Your points about emotional and physical health related to fitness memberships are well expressed.
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