IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Privat car ownership has been increasing over the past few decades. This has given ordinary people greater mobility, but has also led to concerns about traffic congestion and air pollution. Do the advantages of private car ownership outweigh the disadvantages?

4.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In the whole
world
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffice
Correct your spelling
traffic
 is
outwight
Correct your spelling
outweighed
 in the life
people
Use synonyms
,and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 can not live without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
. The own
car
Use synonyms
 is extremely
essentials
Fix the agreement mistake
essential
show examples
 in the whole
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world
Use synonyms
. There are
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of the private
car
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
freedom
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and high purchase.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 advantage of
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
car
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
freedom
Use synonyms
 and
independece
Correct your spelling
independence
. In the
world
Use synonyms
 the
people
Use synonyms
 always use transportation to
traspose in
Verb problem
travel
show examples
 anywhere,
there
Use the right word
they
show examples
 like to visit it.
Also
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can buy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 private
car
Use synonyms
 to feel like
freedom
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they can travel in the
car
Use synonyms
 to try a new traditional country and make
relatioship
Correct your spelling
relationships
 with everyone.In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who have
a
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
car
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can feel like
independece
Correct your spelling
independence
Correct word choice
and responsbility
show examples
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
,
such
Linking Words
 as going with their
freind
Correct your spelling
friends
 and
famlily
Correct your spelling
family
 in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
car
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
secondly
Fix capitalization
Secondly
show examples
, the high purchase
is
Check wording
price is
show examples
 one of the most
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of the private
car
Use synonyms
.There are many
people
Use synonyms
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
 not buy their own
car
Use synonyms
, because their
have not
Correct word order
not have
show examples
 amount of
the
Correct article usage
enough
show examples
 money to buy it .
Additionally
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can use another
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 to
transpose in
Verb problem
travel
show examples
 anywhere
instead
Linking Words
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 private
car
Use synonyms
 in the whole
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can use the bus,train, and the metro
instead
Linking Words
 of the private
car
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the own
car
Use synonyms
 is extremely
a high price
Correct word choice
expensive
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 the
car
Use synonyms
 should have a high
money
Check wording
price
show examples
, because there are many supplies
such
Linking Words
 as
petroul
Correct your spelling
petrol
 and oil.
Conclusion
In
counclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the
freedom
Use synonyms
 and high purchase are the
most advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of the private
car
Use synonyms
. The company should put the natural prices for the private cars,
bacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 there are many
people
Use synonyms
need
Correct pronoun usage
who need
show examples
 to
a own
Correct word order
own a
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 for flexibility and
Correct article usage
an independace
show examples
independace
Correct your spelling
independent
 life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should have one main idea supported by examples.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling and grammar errors to make your ideas clearer, such as 'traffic' instead of 'traffice' and 'independence' instead of 'independece'.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples in your writing to support your points. For example, explain how having a car affects daily life.
task achievement
You mention the feelings of freedom and independence that come with owning a car, which is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • car
  • cars
  • move
  • time
  • work
  • family
  • shop
  • school
  • travel
  • road
  • air
  • pollution
  • traffic
  • noise
  • health
  • money
  • cost
  • fuel
  • maintenance
  • insurance
  • emergency
  • plan
  • policy
  • public
  • transport
  • bus
  • train
  • bike
  • walk
  • sharing
  • electric
  • clean
  • tax
  • charge
  • parking
  • space
  • design
  • safety
  • accident
  • wealth
  • city
What to do next:
Look at other essays: