IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days more people put their personal information, such as names, addresses and telephone numbers, online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

When it comes
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the issue of
socializing
Use the right word
socialising
show examples
 on communal
nteworks
Correct your spelling
networks
 or money transferring,
people
Use synonyms
 hold a variety of opinions.
While
Linking Words
 many individuals give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
acess
Correct your spelling
access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their hidden identities to all ,
others
Use synonyms
 seem to hold the opposite trend. I contend that it has a negative impact on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 daily
livings
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, before reaching any conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will outline
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both views with relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 try to
connet
Correct your spelling
connect
 with
others
Use synonyms
 in social media through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 . So they often disclose their personal things
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of everyone
by
Change preposition
so
show examples
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
others
Use synonyms
 can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them efficiently.
For example
Linking Words
, young teenagers now highlight their names , addresses and telephone
numers
Correct your spelling
numbers
;
also
Linking Words
gmail
Fix capitalization
Gmail
show examples
 accounts to make friends or get popularity
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they often have a couple of virtual friends
whom
Change preposition
with whom
show examples
 they can pass their free time. Another negative development could be that the aged
people
Use synonyms
 often feel
boring
Correct word choice
bored
show examples
 and alone as their offspring live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 separate house.
However
Linking Words
, they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not familiar with
people
Use synonyms
whom
Change preposition
with whom
show examples
 they can share their feelings
as well as
Linking Words
 get support in their
needy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
times. For these reasons, they share personal
belongings
Punctuation problem
belongings,
show examples
include
Replace the word
including
show examples
 their identities and confidential money information
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an open platform .
For instance
Linking Words
, some retired
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Verginia
Correct your spelling
Virginia
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 shared their contact information with account
numers
Correct your spelling
numbers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their social platform; some scammers made a fake call and scammed
their all
Correct word order
all their
show examples
 deposits.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 it is a negative impact on poor
people
Use synonyms
whoose
Correct your spelling
whose
 all deposits are lost.
To sum up
Linking Words
, having analysed
this
Linking Words
isuue
Correct your spelling
issue
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 come to the conclusion that shared personal information on social platforms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 has become a common concern across all sectors of society as it brings a negative drawback to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 social lives.

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task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your main ideas and support them with more examples.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and grammar to avoid distractions from your message and improve readability.
task achievement
You present your opinion clearly at the beginning of your essay.
task achievement
You have identified some important negative impacts of sharing personal information.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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