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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram illustrates the Life Cycle process of frogs in a pond. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the Life Cycle process of frogs in a pond. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram shows
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the frog's natural life cycle
by
Change preposition
in
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 steps.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
a
Verb problem
is a
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cyclical and natural process that includes 11 steps beginning with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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laying eggs to ending with
grown
Correct article usage
a grown
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 frog.
Firstly
Linking Words
, adult frogs start to lay eggs in a pond
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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few
Correct article usage
a few
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 of them
became
Wrong verb form
become
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embryo
Fix the agreement mistake
embryos
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 after
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 days/weeks. In the next step embryo
transforme
Correct your spelling
transforms
 into tadpoles and they try to hold
into
Use the right word
onto
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 the water plants. After that stage, they grow external gills
that
Linking Words
is helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them
for
Change preposition
with
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breathing
Correct article usage
the breathing
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 process,
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
tail
Correct article usage
the tail
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 is going to keep growing until it is fully developed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, after
tail
Use synonyms
 growing,
Correct article usage
the hindlegs
show examples
hindlegs
Use the right word
hind legs
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going
Verb problem
are going
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 to appear. Once
this
Linking Words
 stage is finished, it starts to survive
from
Change preposition
on
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 that
already
Verb problem
is already
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 stored in the
tail
Use synonyms
 as it cannot eat any food in
this
Linking Words
 step. After that,
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 front legs
going
Verb problem
are going
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 to be visible and
Use synonyms
tail
Correct pronoun usage
its tail
show examples
 becomes shorter than before as it grows.
Finally
Linking Words
,
cycle
Correct article usage
the cycle
show examples
become
Verb problem
comes
show examples
 to
end
Correct article usage
an end
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 as
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 frog
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
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 one and
cycle
Correct article usage
the cycle
show examples
 is
goint
Correct your spelling
going
 to repeat from the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tail with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Metamorphosis
  • Tadpole
  • Aquatic
  • Terrestrial
  • Hatch
  • Mature
  • Lungs
  • Eggs
  • Pond
  • Life Cycle
  • Lay eggs
  • Develop
  • Adapt
  • Tail shortening
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