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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows a comparison of different kinds of energy production in France in 1995 and 2005.

The chart below shows a comparison of different kinds of energy production in France in 1995 and 2005.
The two pie charts compare the
production
Use synonyms
 of various types of
energy
Use synonyms
 in France between 1995 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, Coal had the highest
production
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 rates in France over a ten-year period,
while
Linking Words
 other
energy
Use synonyms
 sources had the lowest
production
Use synonyms
 in the town. In 1995, Coal was the primary source of
energy
Use synonyms
 in France with the figure showed around 29.80%.
While
Linking Words
, gas and petrol were used to nearly 29.63% and 29.27%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 4.90% was manufactured from other sources, with 6.40% by nuclear power. In 2005, there was an increased of 30.93% in
production
Use synonyms
 of coal
energy
Use synonyms
, which reached the highest rate among all sources, followed by gas power significantly increased to 30.31% in ten year later.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of petrol had a dramatically decreased of nearly 10% to only 19.55%. Meanwhile, there was a considerable increase in nuclear and other power to 10.10% and 9.10% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words production, energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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