IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Carn ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty year that many cities in the world are now “one big traffic jam” How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 three decades,
purchasing
Correct article usage
the purchasing
show examples
 of cars has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
surged dramatically
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
hence
Linking Words
, it will not be unfair to say the big cities are becoming '
one
Use synonyms
 big traffic jam'. Numerous huge cities
such
Linking Words
 as Toronto, Vancouver,
Los
Correct word choice
and Los
show examples
angeles
Fix capitalization
Angeles
show examples
 are suffering
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
congesed
Correct your spelling
congested
 roads on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis. People prefer to have their personal vehicles
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the following reasons.
One
Use synonyms
 of the prominent
Use synonyms
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
isthe
Correct your spelling
is the
 poor public
transporatation
Correct your spelling
transportation
.
Workforce
Correct article usage
The workforce
show examples
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 hours to reach their workplace, which usually
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 them 15-20 minutes by their own car.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having their personal cars makes their commute less
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
.
Other
Correct article usage
The other
show examples
 is
control
Correct article usage
the control
show examples
 of operating their autos. When a person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their private automobile, they can use it, stop it,
control
Correct word choice
and control
show examples
 the temperature
according to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
one's
Check wording
their
show examples
 needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person is having
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 temperature, they can set
heat
Correct article usage
the heat
show examples
 in
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 car and feel better
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it is impossible in communal transport. The rise in the possession of
self operated
Use the right word
self-operated
show examples
 cars has
escaled
Correct your spelling
escalated
 other issues
such
Linking Words
 as pollution,
cogested
Correct your spelling
congested
 roads and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 government economy. Administrative bodies can take multiple steps to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Improving
Fix capitalization
improving
show examples
 the public transportation. Providing the citizens with affordable, accessible and advanced transportation will make them less
use
Verb problem
likely to use
show examples
 of
owned
Replace the word
own
show examples
 vehicles.
Also
Linking Words
, creating awareness about
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 benefits of walking and using bikes to cover short
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 help in mitigating the concerns of traffic jams and reducing the usage of
motorvehicles
Correct your spelling
motor vehicles
. Conclusively, the benefits offered by having
self
Use the right word
self-driving
show examples
 vehicles cannot be replaced by transit run by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, taking necessary steps can indirectly lower the
utilization
Use the right word
utilisation
show examples
 of personal autos.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the issue and summarizes your main points in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'In conclusion.' This will help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, as they make your ideas stronger and easier to understand.
content
You clearly state the reasons why car ownership has increased.
content
You mention various benefits of having a personal vehicle, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: