IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

a
Fix capitalization
A
show examples
 group of people are having more intake of
Use synonyms
sugar
Replace the word
sugary
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 for
everyperson
Correct your spelling
every person
 who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to intake
this
Linking Words
.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will look
two
Change preposition
at two
show examples
 main causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue and suggest two possible solutions. On one hand, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people have
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
drinks
Wrong verb form
drink
show examples
juicy based
Use the right word
juice-based
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
liquids
show examples
liquid
Punctuation problem
liquid,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their bodies.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 in
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
their
Use the right word
there
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 are several families that have
diabities
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 because of sugary intakes
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
. as
show examples
as
Fix capitalization
As
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 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 they create in their body high
sugar
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 that influence their organs
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
Correct article usage
the kidney
show examples
kidney
Fix the agreement mistake
kidneys
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 and heart
stroke
Fix the agreement mistake
strokes
show examples
.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
 the other hand, the revolution of
this
Linking Words
 to control the
nervers
Correct your spelling
nerves
 in their mind that
triggered
Wrong verb form
triggers
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 drink
such
Linking Words
 liquids that can harm the human body.
In addition
Linking Words
 there are sort of ways to control
this
Linking Words
.
firstly
Linking Words
 the person shifted those products that added in their protiens and vitamins.
for instance
Linking Words
 doctors in their hospital suggest those patients who
drinks
Use synonyms
 harmful liquid that are not good for health.
therefore
Linking Words
 they made the schedule to add proteins and vitamins that helped them.
further
Linking Words
 more it will make habbit to follow the prescribtion of the healthy things.
Linking Words
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 those
drinks
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 have above 50
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
affect
the
Correct article usage
a
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person
Check wording
person's
show examples
 health.
Linking Words
whereas
Fix capitalization
Whereas
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
controlling
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 person should
added
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
 those
drinks
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have less
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 50
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sugar
Punctuation problem
sugar,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get rid of
this
Linking Words
.
to conclude
Linking Words
 that
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 excessive intake of
Use synonyms
sugar based
Use the right word
sugar-based
show examples
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 their nerves and level of body
.
Check wording
levels.so
show examples
so
Fix capitalization
So
show examples
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 should be
control
Replace the word
controlled
show examples
 to
added
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutrition
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
drinks
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are clear and supported by examples. Each point should be explained well.
coherence and cohesion
Use more simple and clear sentences. This will help your ideas flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Add a more detailed introduction and conclusion to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
You have identified causes and solutions in your essay, which is good.
task achievement
Your desire to discuss health issues is strong and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
What to do next:
Look at other essays: