IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

In the past, many workers preferred to have
one
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job
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. Recently, many
people
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 have more than
one
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job
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 at the same
time
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. The benefit is that they can gain much experience
while
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 working at many jobs, but
this
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 results in several drawbacks because they feel tired and find it hard to do many things at the same
time
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. On the
one
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 hand, nowadays there is a significant problem in that many families have more than
one
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job
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 because the high
cost
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 of living and salaries are not enough for many families; they need more than
one
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job
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 to be able to live.
Also
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,
this
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 results in many young
people
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 abstaining from marriage because of the high
cost
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 of living and the need to take on more than
one
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job
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, which they find hard to do.
For instance
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, in Japan, the birthrate has decreased by 70% because young
people
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 are abstaining from marriage
due to
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 the high
cost
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 of living.
On the other hand
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, the benefit of having more than
one
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job
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 is that individuals can gain much experience and develop skills in their careers, but the drawback is that they feel tired and do not have
time
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 to spend with their families.
For example
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, in Japan, many individuals have more than
one
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job
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 but face many problems,
such
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 as getting sick and tired because they do not have
time
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 to take a break. In conclusion, in recent
days
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days,
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 many
people
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 have more than
one
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job
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 because of the high
cost
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 of living. There are pros and cons to having many jobs; the pros are that they can gain much experience, and the cons are that they may become sick and tired because they do not have
time
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 to rest.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction to clearly state your main points and what you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your ideas by using more linking words between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples that relate directly to the advantages and disadvantages you mention.
task achievement
You provided a good overview of the topic and some relevant points about multiple jobs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Multiple income streams
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Contract work
  • Professional development
  • Financial security
  • Job market
  • Diversified income
  • Burnout
  • Skill set
  • Networking opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Time management
What to do next:
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