IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many and many people believe that
adolescencts
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 should
study
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 all school courses.
While
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 others think they should
study
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 only
one
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 course that interests with.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and
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at
Punctuation problem
, at
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 the
end
Punctuation problem
end,
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 will outline my personal opinion. First of all, some people believe teenagers should
study
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 all subjects to improve their minds and gain various new information from different materials, so
by
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apply
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that they can find what they like and dislike.
However
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, in
this
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age
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age,
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 brain is not yet mature and can not decide
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that
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 is good for them and what is not.
For example
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, a school in Saudi Arabia let
student
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students
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, especially teenagers to choose
one
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 subject to
study
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 and which affects their scores and leads to failure.
As a result
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, letting students
study
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 numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
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subjects will produce
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good educators and smart students.
Other
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Others
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 believe, teaching
one
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 course will make
student
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students
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 focus
in
Change preposition
on
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 that
subjec
Correct your spelling
subject
 and that will
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 them
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
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 what the learners want to do in the future.
Moreover
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, it will save time from
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 other
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 and the path to success will be clear and easy. A
study
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 published in New York University in 2020 concluded that 90% of people who
studies
Wrong verb form
studied
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one
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subjec
Correct your spelling
subject
 achieved their dreams and
intrduce
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introduced
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 society.
Therefore
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,
teeneger
Correct your spelling
teenager
 who
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
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 what he
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can save time by
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study
Replace the word
studying
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one
Use synonyms
 subject. In conclusion, teaching a lot of material
have benefit
Wrong verb form
has
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 more
than
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benefits than
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 only
one
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 , I agree with
this
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 because it will
heve
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help make
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 a good and educated person and
letting
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give
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 the student a chance to choose what he likes.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to complete the task better.
coherence
Organize your ideas with clear paragraphs, and use linking words to connect your thoughts, such as 'first', 'next', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Use more examples to support your ideas; this will make your argument stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You covered both viewpoints well and included your opinion at the end, which is a good approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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