IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the issue of environmental protection has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some
individuals
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 maintain that
governments
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 should take the responsibility for addressing environmental problems, I contend that both
governments
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 and
individuals
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 have
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 role in protecting the
environment
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.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is imperative to
recognize
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recognise
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 the substantial benefits of government in environmental protection. A pivotal point to consider is that
governments
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 should implement strict environmental laws and regulations to limit pollution and protect natural resources, which
emphasizes
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emphasises
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 that legal measures can effectively reduce damage
resident
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from resident
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 activities and encourage sustainable practices. In fact, these regulations can serve as an effective long-term solution to environmental damage.
For example
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, many countries have introduced policies to reduce carbon emissions.
Moreover
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, an additional crucial aspect to highlight is investing in renewable energy sources and improving public transport systems.
This
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 is because clean energy,
such
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 as solar and wind power, can reduce dependence on fossil fuels.
Furthermore
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, developing efficient public transportation can serve as a means of encouraging people to use buses and trains
instead
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 of private vehicles. It is
also
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 a great
way
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 to lower greenhouse gas emissions and improve air quality.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that
individuals
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also
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 play a significant role in protecting the
environment
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. A significant factor to explore is that resident should have environmentally friendly habits in their daily lives, which underscores that small actions can make a big difference. To illustrate
this
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 perspective, one might refer to people turning off unnecessary lights, using stairs
instead
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 of lifts to save electricity, and
choose
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choosing
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 public transport
instead
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 of private vehicles to reduce carbon emissions. These simple habits can serve as a practical
way
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 to
sace
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save
 energy and protect natural resources.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight the importance of reducing plastic waste by avoiding single-use plastics, using renewable fabric bags
instead
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 of plastic bags, and planting more trees. These actions can serve as a means of reducing pollution and protecting the
environment
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.
Moreover
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, using renewable products is a great
way
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 to reduce plastic waste,
while
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 planting more trees can serve as an effective
way
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 to improve air quality and create a cleaner and healthier
environment
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.
Finally
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, I believe that both
governments
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 and
individuals
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 should
do
Verb problem
work
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 together to protect the
environment
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.
Therefore
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, we can do
togetther
Correct your spelling
together
 to solve environmental problems.

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task response
Score: 6. You answer the question, but your view should be stronger. The question asks how far you agree that politicians, not people, are responsible. Say clearly that you partly disagree, because politicians have the main role but people also have a real role.
task response
Give a more real example. “Many countries have introduced policies” is too general. Name one country, law, or result if you can.
task response
Explain why people alone can do too little. For example, one person can use less plastic, but only the government can make big rules for factories, roads, and power.
task response
The last paragraph is too short and repeats the same idea. Write a full ending that restates your view and sums up the two roles.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Your order is easy to follow, but some sentences are very long. Break long sentences into two shorter ones to make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use the same link again and again, especially “Furthermore” and “can serve as a means”. Use simple links: also, so, because, however, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need a clearer link. After the point about public transport, explain directly that fewer cars mean less fuel use and less dirty air.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “Governments have the main role because they can make and enforce laws.” Then give support.
task response
Your main view is clear: both the government and people should act. You give ideas for both sides.
task response
Your points are on topic, such as laws, clean energy, public transport, less plastic, and saving power.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: opening, government paragraph, people paragraph, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “Finally” to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental protection
  • responsibility
  • politicians
  • individuals
  • large-scale
  • policies
  • regulations
  • impact
  • corporations
  • environmentally friendly practices
  • resources
  • expertise
  • collective efforts
  • difference
  • combination
  • crucial
  • effective
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