IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, there has been an ongoing debate regarding environmental protection. Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility,
while
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 others argue that
individuals
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also
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 play an essential
role
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before explaining why I partly agree that both are important. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument that supporters would put forward is that the
environment
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 plays a central and irreplaceable
role
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 in government policy .
This
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 is because
governments
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 make policies and regulate industries with the ultimate goal of preventing damage and promoting sustainability.
In addition
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,
governments
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also
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 encourage industries to use renewable energy and reduce waste efficiently.
Furthermore
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, authorities can organise campaigns
such
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 as Earth Hour and Green Sunday, which help raise awareness about environmental protection. These
actions
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 are powerful tools for long-term environmental benefits.
On the contrary
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, individual
actions
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 in protecting the
environment
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 should not be underestimated.
To begin
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 with, people can avoid the use of disposable utensils
such
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 as take-away boxes, chopsticks, and single-use plastics.
This
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 has had a devastating effect on our soil.
Furthermore
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, consumers can opt for reusable bags, fabric bags, water bottles or coffee mugs
instead
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 of single-use disposables. It helps build positive habits that lead to minimising plastic waste.
Besides
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 that,
individuals
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 should take small
actions
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 to protect the
environment
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 ,
such
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 as turning off unnecessary lights whenever possible, taking shorter showers, and fixing leaky faucets. Small
actions
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 play a crucial
role
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 in saving electricity and energy. In conclusion,
governments
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 are important in protecting the
environment
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, but
individuals
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also
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 play a key
role
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. From my perspective, I partly agree that both
governments
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 and
individuals
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 are responsible for protecting the
environment
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.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. The task asks if you agree or disagree, but your essay says it will discuss both views. Say your position in a direct way in the first paragraph.
task response
Answer the question more fully. The topic says some people think only politicians are responsible because one person can do very little. You should explain this idea more and show why you agree only in part.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your ideas are relevant, but they are still general. Add one real or clear example for government action and one for individual action.
task response
Develop each main point more. Some points are listed, but not fully explained. Try to show cause and result in a clearer way.
task response
Keep your position fully consistent. In the end, you say you partly agree that both are responsible, but the question is about politicians, not both sides in equal terms. Make this balance more exact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good. To improve more, make the topic sentence of each body paragraph match your opinion more closely.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used well, but some are basic and repeated. Try to use a small range in a natural way and avoid too many listing phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect smoothly. For example, after naming items like boxes and chopsticks, explain more clearly how they harm the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with paragraph focus. In body 1, campaigns like Earth Hour fit, but you can connect them more clearly to the main point about government power.
task response
You answer the topic directly and stay on the subject all through the essay.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the conclusion: both government and people have a role.
task response
You include ideas for both sides, which shows good control of the discussion essay form.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are grouped well, with one main focus in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like 'In addition', 'Furthermore', and 'On the contrary' to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental protection
  • responsibility
  • politicians
  • individuals
  • large-scale
  • policies
  • regulations
  • impact
  • corporations
  • environmentally friendly practices
  • resources
  • expertise
  • collective efforts
  • difference
  • combination
  • crucial
  • effective
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