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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below gives information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below gives information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart and bar chart show data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different
dance
Use synonyms
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 and
dance
Use synonyms
 classes locations in Australia, which
attended
Verb problem
has been attended
show examples
 by young generations recently.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
class
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
hold
Replace the word
held
show examples
 by private lessons, and only a few
people
Use synonyms
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 to
college
Correct article usage
the college
show examples
 studio for a
dance
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, more teenagers take part in modern lessons than young
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 most of the
children
Use synonyms
 prefer to attend ballet classes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the largest number of
children
Use synonyms
 like to go to ballet
class
Use synonyms
, which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 about 600 students.
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that, there were only
one third
Use the right word
one-third
show examples
 of teenagers
Correct pronoun usage
who like
show examples
like
Wrong verb form
liked
show examples
 to attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same
catorgery
Correct your spelling
category
. As for tap
dance
Use synonyms
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who participated had both younger and older
children
Use synonyms
,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 were at around 420 and 450 students, respectively.
Secondly
Linking Words
, modern
dance
Use synonyms
 was the most popular activity among the teenagers, which had
showed
Wrong verb form
shown that more
show examples
 than 500 students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were interested in
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
 In terms of the locations of
dance
Use synonyms
 lessons, it had almost half of portion of
people
Use synonyms
like
Correct pronoun usage
who like
show examples
 to have
class
Use synonyms
 in a private studio, which revealed nearly 48
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in total.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 10
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of learners would like to have
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 in a college.
People
Use synonyms
 who
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community halls and other
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 halls showed about the same percentage at 18 and 24,
separately
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, class, people, children with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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