IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

certain individuals argue that being satisfied with one activity is more important than long-term employment.
In contrast
Linking Words
,other
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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 think that
Correct article usage
a
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non-permanent
job
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 is not guaranteed, having a stable and secure position is more essential
Punctuation problem
. .while
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.
Correct your spelling
While
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will discuss my opinion and provide examples.
To begin
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 with,
job
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial in the long run .
In addition
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 ,
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction to pick one’s work leads to better performance and
overall
Linking Words
 happiness. When individuals are passionate about their
job
Use synonyms
, they tend to be more motivated, creative, and dedicated.
For instance
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,students work in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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, fashion
designing
Replace the word
design
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, and social work to help others ; it fulfils the desire and happiness of the person.even if the salary or
job
Use synonyms
 balance is not high.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,many
population
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people
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 think that
job
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
 is more important, especially in today’s low
job
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 market. A permanent
job
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 provides financial strength, fixed income, and long-term benefits
such
Linking Words
 as buying a house or a pension. These factors are essential for
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 who have families to support or are taking care of their children's education.
For example
Linking Words
, government and teaching professions are often preferred not because they are exciting, but because they offer long-term
security
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 and peace of mind.
As a result
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, some
nation
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nations
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 are willing to compromise on
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction in exchange for
job
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 support.
to conclude
Linking Words
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 career satisfaction gives happiness to pursue their interests , but
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that office
security
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 is more beneficial to maintain financial
security
Use synonyms
 , a high income , and it gives peace and well-being because they have not been stressed about family care and planning for future goals.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing, like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples for each point to better support your arguments, like mentioning specific job roles or personal experiences.
task achievement
You presented both views on job satisfaction and job security.
task achievement
Your examples related to job satisfaction are relevant and show understanding of the topic.
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