IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shop that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shop that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The information specified in the line graph illustrates the proportion of both shop closures and new
openings
Use synonyms
 in a place from
2011-2018years
Check wording
2011 to 2018
show examples
. At first glance, it is evident that the year of 2011 had the largest number of
openings
Use synonyms
 among others,
while
Linking Words
 2015 had the lowest portion of closures. With regard to closures
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
, as can be seen, there has been a fluctuation over
Correct article usage
a
show examples
seven-year period.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there has been a sharp decrease from just above
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6000 to almost half of 1000s.
Additionally
Linking Words
, after a year, there has been a dramatic rise from almost 500 closed
shops
Use synonyms
 to almost the top of 5000
shops
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, there has been a stable trend for 2
year-period
Use the right word
period
show examples
 by 2018. Looking at the
openings
Use synonyms
 graph,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there has been a substantial plummet from almost 8500 to just under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half, it was a remarkable growth for more than 2000
shops
Use synonyms
, which were opened in 2
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another interesting point is that, between the
years
Use synonyms
 of 2015-2017, shop
Use synonyms
openings
Fix the agreement mistake
opening
show examples
tendency
Check wording
trends
show examples
 remained static
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 4000
ones
Check wording
shops
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it had a gradual decrease of about 1000
shops
Use synonyms
, compared to the
years
Use synonyms
 before.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words openings, years, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • peak
  • decline
  • fluctuation
  • correlation
  • inverse relationship
  • notable
  • comparable
  • speculate
  • external factors
  • increment
  • decrement
  • overall
  • composite
  • linear
  • net gain
  • net loss
What to do next:
Look at other essays: