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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, primary and secondary school close for two months or more in summer holidays. What is the value of school holidays ? What are the arguments in favor of shorter holidays? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

In today’s globalised world, the school holiday duration differs from one country to another. Some people prefer the long vacation and
while
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 contrast to people who don’t prefer the long holiday.
This
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 essay will explore the preferences of each group.
To begin
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 with, long vacations offer numerous benefits,
such
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 as those who travel to their homeland, visiting their relatives and making stronger bonds with them , which has a positive impact on their mood and allows them to relax for a longer time.
However
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, children can join various activities which enhance physical activity ,
for example
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, camping with their friends, which helps them to make new relationships and enhance the feeling of independence.
On the other hand
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, some parents who work 365 days, they might think that a long vacation will be difficult to take care of their kids, so shorter holidays are their preferred choice. Coming to shorter vacations, it has a significant value which can’t be ignored.
Moreover
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, it prevents the kids from losing their focus and interest in studying.
In contrast
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, taking a long time to refocus and concentrate is more in elongated breaks. A survey was conducted at London University in 2022, which found that the concentration levels of elementary school children decline by 45% and 32% in secondary school students who take long vacations. In conclusion, each period of holidays has both negative and positive effects. Shorter holidays help in maintaining concentration and interest.
Furthermore
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, some working parents lack of availability to take care of their children. From my perspective, long breaks are more valuable than short ones
due to
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 their importance in making strong bonds and relations.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea, and develop that idea fully.
Task Response
Include a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Task Response
Use more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This helps make your ideas clearer.
Task Response
You successfully identified both the benefits of long holidays and the arguments for shorter holidays.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and gives your personal opinion.
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