Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying that governments should allocate funds to education. Some people look upon expenditures spent on science as a better policy, compared to other subjects. As far as I am concerned, I am strongly opposed to
this
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argument, and the reasons will be thoroughly explained as follows.
To begin
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with, not all students are interested in science, so some groups of people will be treated unfairly if the authorities fail to spend money on
diverse
Correct article usage
a diverse
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educational program.
That is
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to say, those who are passionate about other fields like
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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or literature will be underserved.
For example
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, I have been dreaming about pursuing a career as a professional dancer since I was a child.
However
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, decades ago, the Taiwanese government implemented regulations that maintained financial support only for science and technology subjects.
As a result
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, I had no option but to give up my aspiration
due to
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lacking
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a lack of
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enough savings for
further
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advanced training lessons. It is widely accepted that individuals tend to select a major catering to the job market;
therefore
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, there is a risk of an imbalance in human resources in the future.
According to
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a study from National Taiwan University, about 70 per cent of job opportunities in Taiwan are related to semiconductors and software services, which results in the majority of Taiwanese teenagers preferring to learn physics, mathematics, and programming.
On the other hand
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, businesses like publishers or restaurants are now facing challenges in not being able to hire enough well-trained employees. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, funding for schools should be distributed to various subjects for the sake of benefiting every student and protecting every business.

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task achievement
Try to clearly outline your main arguments in the introduction. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples. This will help improve your clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more linking words to show how your ideas connect. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You clearly express your disagreement with the idea of focusing only on science funding, which gives a strong stance.
task achievement
Your personal example about being a dancer makes your argument relatable and strong.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • education funding
  • science subjects
  • STEM fields
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • economic competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • curriculum
  • real-world applications
  • climate change
  • public health
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • diverse student interests
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