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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that schools should focus more on teaching students academic subjects like math and science, and less on subjects such as art and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is argued that learning
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 at school is less beneficial than learning academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. It depends on every person's opinion and preference.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree. I think learning
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 is as important as academic
subjects
Use synonyms
if
Punctuation problem
, if
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 not more. First of all, it improves creativity.
Subjects
Use synonyms
 like
music
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 give a space for imagination and independent thinking. Which leads to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 newer
art
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 in
art
Use synonyms
 schools tend to be more creative than other
students
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
through out
Use the right word
throughout
show examples
 history, we rarely see a repeated
art
Use synonyms
 style among artists. Our imagination is the first place for great ideas to grow
in
Change preposition
apply
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. These
subjects
Use synonyms
 contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
remaining
Use the right word
retaining
show examples
this
Linking Words
 feature in people. Making a generation with critical and creative thinking.
Secondly
Linking Words
, allows them to express themselves. Since
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
lean
Verb problem
tend
show examples
 to enhance your imagination,
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
they
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
Linking Words
 allow
showing
Wrong verb form
you to show
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 your ideas.
In other words
Linking Words
, these
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are unlimited and there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 no lines to stay behind. It gives
students
Use synonyms
 a chance to illustrate their thoughts and selves.
For instance
Linking Words
, paintings always represent feelings and mental
statuses
Use the right word
states
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, writings transfer and illustrate mindsets and brains. Teenagers
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 a safe place to express
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these
subjects
Use synonyms
 provide it. To sum up, learning
Correct article usage
a varaity
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varaity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of
art
Use synonyms
 types in school is more advantageous to
students
Use synonyms
 because it improves creativity
in addition
Linking Words
 to allowing them to express themselves freely without guards.

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task achievement
Make sure to check your grammar. Sentences can be clearer with correct grammar.
coherence
Try to connect your ideas better with linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
Add more examples to explain your points, which will help readers understand better.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear and strongly stated throughout the essay.
task achievement
You recognize the importance of art and music in education, which is a strong point in your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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