IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Q.) Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Certain individuals argue that educating
students
Use synonyms
 in gender-separated
schools
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that studying together offers greater advantages.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
 the first opinion can be useful in some cases, I completely believe that
educting
Correct your spelling
educating
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
genders in one school is more suitable for their social development. Studying in single-sex
schools
Use synonyms
 can be more effective for
students
Use synonyms
’ upbringing.
This
Linking Words
 is because teachers can focus on the specific needs of one gender and provide guidance more openly and confidently.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 play an essential role in the mental and physical development of teenagers.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 statistics,
students
Use synonyms
 from the single-gender school "BIL" in Kazakhstan show significantly higher levels of tolerance compared to their peers.
However
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 like these may lead to challenges in
students
Use synonyms
’ future social lives
due to
Linking Words
 limited interaction with the opposite gender. I believe that studying in mixed
schools
Use synonyms
 offers many advantages, particularly in helping
students
Use synonyms
 build confidence in social situations. When boys and girls interact with each other on a daily basis, they become more comfortable communicating with anyone, regardless of gender.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it encourages
students
Use synonyms
 to express their thoughts clearly and confidently, which is a valuable skill for their future.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is important to know how to answer questions freely during job interviews, and mixed
schools
Use synonyms
 help learners develop
this
Linking Words
 ability. In conclusion, despite the fact that
sing-gender
Use the right word
single-gender
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 play an important role in helping to upbringing
students
Use synonyms
 , I think that it is more beneficial for social
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 when boys and girls
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
study together.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should have clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes your main points clearly.
task achievement
You have identified both views clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You presented a logical argument in favor of mixed schools.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • schools
  • boys
  • girls
  • benefit
  • distractions
  • study
  • comfort
  • confidence
  • methods
  • tailored
  • learning
  • skills
  • understanding
  • communicate
  • respect
  • differences
  • friendships
  • stereotypes
  • equality
  • society
  • reinforce
  • inclusive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: