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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
In
1800s
Correct article usage
the 1800s
show examples
,
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
 York City
population
Use synonyms
 was around 80,000. But during
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 100
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 grew enormously to around 3,400,000. It is over 4 times than 100
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
before
Rephrase
ago
show examples
. Now in
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
, the
population
Use synonyms
 became 8,000,000, which means people who live in NYC
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
 100 times larger just in 200 years.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 and third tables show changes in the
population
Use synonyms
 of the five districts of the city.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 table shows changes only in Manhattan. In 1800, nearly 76
pecent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 of
NYC
Correct article usage
the NYC
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 lived in Manhattan. Some might think
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in
Mahattan
Correct your spelling
Manhattan
 grew just
seeing
Change preposition
by seeing
show examples
 the number of people. But if you take a closer look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
the pesentage
show examples
pesentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
, you can see that
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
decresed consistantly
Correct your spelling
decreased consistently
through out
Use the right word
throughout
show examples
 time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other districts(
such
Linking Words
 as Brooklyn, Bronx)
population
Use synonyms
 and
pecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of total
population
Use synonyms
 grew enormously
through out
Use the right word
throughout
show examples
 200 years. Nowadays, nearly 81
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 lives in other
districs
Correct your spelling
districts
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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