Some people think that governments should try to reduce air traffic by taxing it more heavily. Do you agree or disagree? What other methods could be used to reduce air traffic? ielts gt writing

There is an argument that some steps , like
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
show examples
tax, should be taken by governments to reduce
air
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
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view
due to
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its detrimental effect on the environment , and other innovative methods can
also
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help to control that.
Although
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flight is the most convenient and fastest mode of transportation, it leads to environmental effects. Indeed,
airplanes
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aeroplanes
show examples
use a large amount of fossil fuels
while
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they just transport a limited number of people.
According to
Linking Words
, study conducted by Toronto University, carbon released from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
airplane
Use the right word
aeroplane
show examples
for each mile is about three times more
in
Change preposition
than
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comparison
to
Change preposition
of
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cars.
Moreover
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, implementing tolls for
traffic
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congestion areas
such
Linking Words
as the city
center
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centre
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has been successful, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it would be helpful and effective for
air
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traffic
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.
Therefore
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,
regard
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with regard
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to the environment, it is essential to reduce
air
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traffic
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
setting a high tax seems to be the best solution. Developing the new forms of transport and providing
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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infrastructure is
the other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
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measure that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
has to
do
Verb problem
take
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. In fact, some new trains have already been developed
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
use renewable energies
such
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as wind or solar cells as fuel, so in
this
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case, the government must provide the needed infrastructure.
For example
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, in
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
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, 90% of travel
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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taken by electronic trains, which are not only
faster
Rephrase
apply
show examples
as
much
Rephrase
fast
show examples
as
airplane
Use the right word
aeroplanes
show examples
, but
also
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they are eco-friendly.
Thus
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, if the government offers a variety of means of transportation, the people would be encouraged to use them
instead
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of flying, which would
finally
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lead to a decline in
air
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traffic
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. In conclusion, I agree that
air
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traffic
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should be decreased
due to
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its disastrous effects on our planet
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
regard, implementing high taxes and developing new forms of travel can be effective.

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task response
Your introduction is clear but could be improved by stating both sides of the argument. Also, a clearer thesis statement at the end may help.
task response
You provide good points but sometimes they are not fully developed. Try to explain your ideas more clearly with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally organized, but some sentences are a bit confusing. Make sure to connect your ideas with linking words for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Watch your grammar and punctuation. There are some small mistakes that can make your meaning unclear, like missing commas.
task response
You present a clear opinion, which is important for task achievement. Your conclusion sums up your main points effectively.
task response
You have a good range of ideas for reducing air traffic, showing that you have thought about the topic well.
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