IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The bar chart provides key information about the
percentages
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 aged 60-64 in
employment
Use synonyms
 in four countries(Belgium, USA,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Australia) between 1970 and 2000. The units are measured in
proportion
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the percentage of
employment
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the highest figures,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 in Belgium had the lowest. In general, there were noticeable differences among the categories.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, in 1970, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 at around 85%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the percentage of
employment
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 in Belgium was significantly lower at 8%. By 2000, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 decreased to 74%. Meanwhile, the figures for the
percentages
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 aged in the USA and Australia
also
Linking Words
 changed from 73% and 76% in 1970 to 55% and 47% in 2000.
While
Linking Words
 the
percentages
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 aged in the USA and Australia
also
Linking Words
 changed from 36% and 16% in 1970 to 39% and 18% in 2000. Compared to the
percentages
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 aged in
Japan
Use synonyms
 had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 figures in 2000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentages, men, women, employment, japan, proportion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: