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Writing Samples
Band 4

3,The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2002, and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. ( lâm )

3,The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2002, and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. ( lâm )
The board below makes a view of the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of the total world
population
Use synonyms
 in 4 countries at 2 times and 1 target .
Overall
Linking Words
 , most countries tend to decrease from 1950 to 2050 , but India has the opposite trend
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 China has the highest
population
Use synonyms
 at all 3 times,
besides
Linking Words
 Japan is the lowest . In China , the beginning time has the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in 4 countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is
also
Linking Words
 the highest number
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the whole world
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
but in that many next
Fix the agreement mistake
few years
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year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 it
is coming
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 down to 15
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
With the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 USA
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 7
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in the beginning
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
also
Linking Words
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have any growth of at least 2 points . Japan has the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of information and no change at all times .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , India has the opposite trend
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the others in
this
Linking Words
 board and in the
beginning
Punctuation problem
beginning,
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 get 15
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 in the whole world and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is equal to the
rate
Use synonyms
 of China in the end
Check wording
apply
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 .
Beside
Use the right word
Besides
show examples
 that , at
last
Linking Words
 2 points
is
Verb problem
show
show examples
 no big change
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
 increases
2
Change preposition
by 2
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 each time and gets 19
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in 2050 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent, population, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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