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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary society, many individuals believe that
job
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 security is less crucial than
satisfaction
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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some
Fix capitalization
Some
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 argue that people should not just focus
only
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apply
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on
job
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satisfaction
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 a stable
job
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has
Verb problem
is
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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highly essential
meaning
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apply
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay
below
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apply
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,I will discuss both views and give my opinion later. On the one hand ,
job
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satisfaction
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 plays a crucial role in an individual’s
well- being
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well-being
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 and productivity. When people work in a
job
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 that aligns with their passion and strengths, they tend to feel more motivated, less stressed and more creative.
Furthermore
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, they are likely to improve their skills continuously ,which makes them more adaptable and flexible within different roles in their company.
For instance
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, those who pursue their dream career often gain diverse experiences and become more versatile employees. A notable example is Sơn Tùng MTP, a Vietnamese artist who followed his passion for music. Despite many challenges, he succeeded and became one of Vietnam’s most famous singers,
as well as
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 the founder and CEO of an entertainment company that reflects his personal ambition.
On the other hand
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,
job
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 security provides financial stability and a predictable future, especially in uncertain economic conditions. People with permanent jobs are often entitled to steady income , healthcare and other benefits that
contribut
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contribute
 to long-term security.
Moreover
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, many
organizations
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organisations
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 value loyalty and experience, often promoting employees based on seniority.
For example
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, in many companies in Vietnam , employees are often considered for leadership positions
such
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 as department manager or director based on their years of service rather than performance alone.
While
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job
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satisfaction
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 might foster creativity, some individuals may prefer a
low risk
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low-risk
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 environment where their income and career path are more stable and clearly defined. In conclusion,
while
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job
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stabliry
Correct your spelling
stability
 offers a sense of financial
securit
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security
, I believe that it should not outweigh the importance of
job
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satisfaction
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.Doing what one truly enjoys fosters motivation , creativity and personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 that not only
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 productivity but
also
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contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
long term
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long-term
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 well-being in today’s dynamic world.

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coherence and cohesion
Add more clear linking words between ideas. For example, use 'First', 'Next', 'In addition', to make the flow better.
task achievement
Make sure all your ideas relate closely to the question. Some points could be clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling mistakes, especially 'stability' and 'security'. These can affect the impression of your writing.
task achievement
You presented both views well and gave a personal opinion at the end, which is very good.
task achievement
You used an excellent example of Sơn Tùng MTP, which makes your point stronger.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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