(THÁI) Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

While
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some individuals contend that the only way to promise having a good career is to complete a course of
university
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education, others think that it is better to start work after school
accumulating
Punctuation problem
, accumulating
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experience from practical work. On the one hand, there are some crucial reasons why some groups of people succeed in life after attending
university
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. The initial matter to be mentioned is capability
which
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, which
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can bring about a profession,
due to
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the fact that certain workers mostly graduated from
university
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,
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apply
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as
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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consequence
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consequently
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, it is possible that employees choose them.
Beside
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Besides
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, having academic qualifications can lead to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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promoted to higher positions
which
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, which
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is
virtual
Replace the word
vital
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in a person’s career.
For example
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, up to 65% of working people from developing countries have
university
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degrees.
On the other hand
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, despite the advantages of completing
university
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, some argued that some famous businessmen who never went to
university
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still achieve significant goals based on their various experiences. Going to
university
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or completing
this
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academic
job
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may not
become
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be
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the only way to have a significant career.
For instance
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, Steve
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Job
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Jobs
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who
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, who
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had not finished his course in
college
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college,
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improved technology, particularly in the Apple
organization
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organisation
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.
In addition
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, his creation
meet
Correct subject-verb agreement
meets
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people’s needs to design high-technological pieces like
Correct article usage
the Ipad
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Ipad
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iPad
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,
Iphone
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iPhone
show examples
and others, so it contributes to the famous logo of
globalization
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globalisation
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.
Besides
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qualification, creation, intelligence,
life
Correct word choice
and life
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skills are
also
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considered to be important factors for people to get good jobs. In conclusion, the
university
Use synonyms
is not the only way to help you have a good
job
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later, but if you do not have a
university
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degree, you will have to work much harder to secure a stable
job
Use synonyms
in the future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects well to the overall argument.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your points, especially to make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler sentences and clear vocabulary to improve clarity in your writing.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is a good approach.
coherence and cohesion
You made a clear conclusion that summarizes your views effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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