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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

5.Interest in homeschooling is becoming more widespread around the world. In your opinion, should school be compulsory for all children, or should families be allowed the right to choose to educate their children at home? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In the contemporary world, homeschooling has become more widespread worldwide
,
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.
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some
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Some
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 individuals argue that
school
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 should be compulsory for all
children
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,
while
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 others believe that families should have the right to choose to educate their
children
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 at home.
Although
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 both views hold merit, I agree with the latter perspective
and
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, and
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 the supporting reasons will be given throughout
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with,
although
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 the more common of homeschool, it cannot completely replace the
school
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which
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, which
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 is a traditional and accessible method for all students.
Firstly
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, when studying at
school
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,
children
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 are given a chance to compete with others
which
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, which
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 can allow them to understand their ability,
hence
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 they can be judged in an objective way.
Additionally
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, a community
such
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 as
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school
Correct article usage
a school
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 can help
children
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 to improve their communication skills since they have a chance to contact friends in class, which is very useful for their career prospects in the future.
For example
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, in Vietnam,
children
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 have many chances to improve their communication skills
as
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, as
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 in the daily lectures in
school
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, learners have a chance to give their opinion to their teachers to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the presentation.
On the other hand
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, despite the schools having many advantages, many parents in the present choose homeschooling methods for their
children
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. The first perspective can be that parents can manage the timetable of the
children
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 so they can find
the
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a
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 time
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that fit
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fit
Replace the word
fits
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for
Change preposition
apply
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each of the
children
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, leading to the risk of suffering from stress and fatigue among
children
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.
Furthermore
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, homeschooling
also
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 helps
children
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 to develop personal strong points since the private teacher could give them
Correct article usage
a personalized
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personalized
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personalised
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 curriculum,
hence
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 they can have more opportunities to pursue their
interest
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interests
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.
For example
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,
children
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 from
elite
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the elite
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 class normally take homeschooling since their parents want them to have comprehensive development
as well as
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having
Wrong verb form
have
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 enough ability to inherit the private business of their family.
However
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, homeschooling normally requires a high cost,
hence
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 it is not accessible
for
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to
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 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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, especially
people
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 from disadvantaged backgrounds. In conclusion, despite the advantages of homeschooling
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such
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, such
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 as having
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a personalized
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personalized
Use the right word
personalised
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 curriculum fit for each student, these
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
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 are normally inaccessible
for
Change preposition
to
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 all
people
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.
However
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, traditional
school
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 cannot be compulsory
due to
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 the inaccessibility of homeschooling
,
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;
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hence
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hence,
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people
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 should have the
opportunities
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opportunity
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 to choose educational
centers
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centres
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 for their
children
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words such as 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'for example' to help the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and reinforces your opinion clearly.
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