some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Music

Use synonyms

always has

Correct word order

has always

show examples

been popular among

people

Use synonyms

from

past

Correct article usage

the past

show examples

until now

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

they have been enjoying

listen

Wrong verb form

listening

show examples

music

Use synonyms

. Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that

music

Use synonyms

motivate

Correct subject-verb agreement

motivates

show examples

people

Use synonyms

Verb problem

to be

show examples

together from various

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

and

ages

Use synonyms

. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

idea, and I will present reasons in

this

Linking Words

essay.

Linking Words

Firstly

Punctuation problem

Firstly,

show examples

when a festival of

music

Use synonyms

holded

Correct your spelling

held

people

Use synonyms

participate in

this

Linking Words

festival from different

cultures

Use synonyms

and

ages

Use synonyms

because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

most

people

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

and dancing.

Also

Linking Words

dancing

Punctuation problem

, dancing

show examples

is fun and everybody

tend

Correct subject-verb agreement

tends

show examples

to do it.

Therefore

Linking Words

performing performing

music

Use synonyms

the

Correct article usage

show examples

significant way that

people

Use synonyms

with different

cultures

Use synonyms

and

ages

Use synonyms

can be together to

recognize

Use the right word

recognise

show examples

different

cultures

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

show examples

Inaddition

Correct your spelling

In addition

, they can see

people

Use synonyms

with different

face

Fix the agreement mistake

faces

show examples

and

skin’s

Check wording

skin

show examples

color

Use the right word

colours

show examples

Punctuation problem

, so

show examples

they will be curious to know about other countries and their

cultures

Use synonyms

too.

SDecondly

Correct your spelling

Secondly

, in

this

Linking Words

way,

people

Use synonyms

will know other

Use synonyms

language

Fix the agreement mistake

languages

show examples

too when an international event is

held

Punctuation problem

held,

show examples

then

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

played from different countries and everybody

Punctuation problem

, with

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

Use synonyms

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

ages

Punctuation problem

ages,

show examples

like to be in these events. They will be enthusiastic to know more about the

music

Use synonyms

and what the

language

Use synonyms

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

where it is from. After

that

Add a comma

that,

show examples

they will try to know about the culture and their

language

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, I am working in

Correct article usage

show examples

Iranian restaurant in the US. They have even once a month with international

music

Use synonyms

People

Use synonyms

come there and they like Iranian

music

Use synonyms

and many of them try to know more about our

language

Use synonyms

and culture

even

Punctuation problem

, even

show examples

they try to find our country on the map.

Also

Linking Words

, it is interesting,they look for my city on the map. In conclusion,

music

Use synonyms

has been familiar among

people

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

. many

show examples

many

Fix capitalization

Many

show examples

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

believe that

people

Use synonyms

can be together from different generations and multicultural societies

Change preposition

through

show examples

music

Use synonyms

. I strongly agree because it is

influential

Correct article usage

an influential

show examples

way that

people

Use synonyms

will be together because they will know various

cultures

Use synonyms

and languages by participating in a particular event or festival of

Use synonyms

music

Punctuation problem

music,

show examples

as I mentioned above.

asiyehjamali72

Jul 18, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure to organize your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is easy to see.

coherence and cohesion

Check your grammar and spelling. Simple mistakes can make your writing hard to read.

task achievement

Use more specific examples to make your points stronger. This will help show your ideas better.

task achievement

You have good examples that relate to real life, like your experience in the Iranian restaurant.

task achievement

Your introduction is clear and shows your main idea, which is good.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

319 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the past, people lived in the same place in their life. However, it is common that now people change their place and often live in different places during their life. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people argue that we have to think twice before deciding to eat fast food because of some health problems it may cause, while others believe that this kind of food is a good choice for those with a very busy life. Which opinion do you agree with?