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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, with the increasingly digital development（the rapid development of digital technology）, the internet has almost influenced every aspect. Against
this
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 background, to a great extent, global
fashion
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trends
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 affect
people
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’s lives in various aspects. Some
people
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 think it brings many benefits,
while
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 others disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of
views
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view
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. There are several ways that global
fashion
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trends
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 impact individuals’ lives. Primarily, internet access has become widespread in both urban and rural areas.
For example
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, in recent years, more and more
people
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 enjoy browsing short videos or pictures to catch
fashion
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trends
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, or just entertain themselves. Plenty of (many)
brand
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 companies,
such
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 as Gucci, Chanel and Loewe, actively market their products on a variety of social media platforms, like YouTube, TikTok and Instagram. They hire various influencers to promote
fashion
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 items on different platforms, which makes it quite easy to attract a large audience’s attention.
Additionally
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, in various competitive
events
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,
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brand
Correct article usage
the brand
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 sponsor showcases its influence. Athletes will wear the designated
brand
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's clothing, shoes, and even hats. Especially
events
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 like the Olympic Games, which are competitive
events
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 that
people
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 are widely
watched
Wrong verb form
watch
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 from all over the world, many
people
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 are influenced by the colours or
fashion
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 items that are currently or will be popular in the future(that are popular or emerging). It is undeniable that these
fashion
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trends
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 cause both positive and negative effects on communities’ lives. From the advantageous aspects, these
fashion
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 items are marketed by
brand
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 companies,
(
Punctuation problem
apply
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contributing positively to the economy
)
Punctuation problem
,
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boosting the economy well. Lots of consumers follow these
trends
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 to purchase modern products. Meanwhile,
people
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 of different ages who are attracted to sports
events
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,
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apply
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 are motivated to exercise. In China, tennis has become quite popular since the 2024 Paris Olympics. Plenty of
students
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 and young
people
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 engage in tennis, which enhances their physical and mental health.
On the other hand
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, from the disadvantages, the prevailing
trends
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 may trigger
students
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' competitive mentality.
For example
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, lots of
students
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, especially those who are studying in universities, compete to see who has bought the latest bags. Some
people
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 don't have enough funds and take out loans online, which leads to depression
due to
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 excessive interest payments. In summary,
fashion
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trends
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 bring various benefits,
such
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 as promoting economic development and
boost
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boosting
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 the phenomenon of mass participation in sports
,
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;
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however
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, individuals should remain critical of consumption, especially
students
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 and children, which helps them avoid physical and mental stress and harm caused by excessive consumption.

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task achievement
The introduction should be clearer by stating both sides of the argument more directly. Consider rephrasing to lead to your conclusion more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Continue to develop your ideas and supporting points fully. Some points need more explanation and clarity to be fully understood.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, restate your main points briefly to reinforce your argument. This gives a stronger ending.
task achievement
You have good examples from both local and global contexts, which supports your points well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay flows well and presents a good structure with clear paragraphs for each main point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • global
  • trend
  • fashion
  • style
  • fashionable
  • influencer
  • celebrity
  • brand
  • access
  • marketing
  • popular
  • worldwide
  • connect
  • showcase
  • event
  • clothing
  • culture
  • rise
  • buy
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