IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both and give your opinion

Some nations set legal requirements for people to drink at a particular
age
Use synonyms
 to lessen the number of accidents, and to aware them about the alcohol-related problems.
However
Linking Words
, other countries think that having no stringent rules
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 and freedom to enjoy their life. I am with the former view. On the one hand, Nations that set a legal drinking
age
Use synonyms
, usually around 18 to 21 years
old
Punctuation problem
old,
show examples
 to control the bad habits and health risks among people.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are a number of accidents on roads because of
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
speeding and using mobile devices
while
Linking Words
 driving. Setting an
age
Use synonyms
 limit
lessen
Correct subject-verb agreement
lessens
show examples
 the dangers for
youngsters
Use synonyms
 and they can focus on their targets.
Additionally
Linking Words
, teenagers and
youngsters
Use synonyms
 are quite health-conscious towards their health and learning about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health-related problems in school. In schools, engaging in different activities can help
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
divert their minds
instead
Linking Words
 of indulging in alcohol consumption. I think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 legal
age
Use synonyms
 promotes a social framework effectively and
aware
Correct word choice
raises awareness
show examples
 the
youngsters
Use synonyms
 about health-related risks.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having no strict rules and regulations provides a sense of freedom and
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 to individuals, and allows them to make choices
as per
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they think it is their responsibility to teach youth
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how they can drink and drive in a safe environment. Another point is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 having no pressure and enforcement by authorities
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to make their
healthier
Correct word order
apply
show examples
relationships with alcohol products
.
Correct word order
healthier.
show examples
Also
Linking Words
, individuals love to consume it when they are facing any kind of stress or trouble in their life
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as low grades, job loss or workplace demotion,
Correct pronoun usage
which force
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force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 them to become drug
addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
show examples
, which automatically ruins their life and career.
That is
Linking Words
 why, I believe, nations have to make laws for public health and safety.
To sum up
Linking Words
, undoubtedly, no laws provide the freedom and relaxation to forget their worries
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I think legal
age
Use synonyms
 is essential for the better growth of
youngsters
Use synonyms
, and for reducing the accidents on roads.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking of ideas between paragraphs to enhance flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points effectively.
content
The essay presents both views on drinking age clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
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