IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Natural resources, such as water, forests and oil, are being utilized at a high rate. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Raw materials,
such
Linking Words
 as H2O,
woods
Fix the agreement mistake
wood
show examples
 and petroleum, are being
utilized
Use the right word
utilised
show examples
 at a high rate. The primary cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the wasteful lifestyle in many countries in the West
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the viable solution is a public awareness campaign educating the public. Countries in North America and Europe have a culture of waste.
That is
Linking Words
 to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
 their lifestyles involve consuming lots of natural
resources
Use synonyms
 for their transport, food and leisure time.
For example
Linking Words
, the most popular car in the USA is the SUV, which has the lowest fuel efficiency of any car
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is not unusual for the average home in Europe to have a TV in every room,
along with
Linking Words
 many other electronic devices.
This
Linking Words
 results in a huge amount of energy being consumed in the form of petroleum in cars and coal and gas in electrical power stations. Many have become so used to
this
Linking Words
 type of luxury that it is very difficult for them to contemplate a life without modern conveniences. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate
people
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of consuming lots of natural
resources
Use synonyms
—
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
consuming more than necessary. The usage of natural
resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as oil can lead to a significant rise in global warming.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
resources
Use synonyms
 will eventually disappear if they do not change their way of life.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should reduce their consumption of these
resources
Use synonyms
 and try to increase recycling. An awareness campaign could shed some light on
this
Linking Words
 difficult situation and allow
people
Use synonyms
 to be more open and honest about it.
For instance
Linking Words
, a similar initiative in KSA resulted in a 52% increase in
people
Use synonyms
utilizing
Use the right word
utilising
show examples
 renewable energy. In conclusion, the Earth’s natural
resources
Use synonyms
 are being depleted rapidly
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 resource consumption by Americans and Europeans.
However
Linking Words
, it can be addressed through educating Individuals about the dangers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly connects to your main point for smoother flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the main causes and solutions before diving into each point.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the problem and proposed solution, which is a good start.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to illustrate your points, which enhances understanding.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: