IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, think that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that some people need to be pushed to know what they are capable of.
While
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 it is a commonly held
to
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apply
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belief that only the top
students
Use synonyms
 should be rewarded, there is
also
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 an argument that even
students
Use synonyms
 who are improving should get a reward.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,
students
Use synonyms
 who show commitment and diligence to their studies deserve a prize.
In other words
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, the prize
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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students
Use synonyms
 to continue their efforts, and
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
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 them to seek
for
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apply
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more.
In addition
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, even the top of them feel bored, so a reward would be the best way to push them
forward
Use the right word
toward
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 their goals.
For example
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,
Correct article usage
a
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school trip
,
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apply
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 will make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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students
Use synonyms
 more competitive and
inspired
Wrong verb form
inspire
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 their ambitions to win the trip.
On the other hand
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, some
students
Use synonyms
 are trying their best to get a higher grade and be better at school. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that awarding them will spark their motivation and make them aim for more.
Moreover
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, if they get appreciated for their little
improvement
Punctuation problem
improvement,
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 they will feel seen, supportive environment will make them and lock their full potential.
For instance
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, before you take the great inventor Thomas Edison's story: when his teacher told him that he had a slow mind and expelled him from school,
but
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apply
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his mother had another opinion
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 she supported him
and
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, and
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finally
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, he
become
Wrong verb form
became
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 one of the greatest inventors. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that everyone deserves to be
honored
Use the right word
honoured
show examples
,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 the smallest steps should be celebrated.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and links to the others. Use linking words to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more detailed examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument.
grammar and spelling
Check for grammar and punctuation errors to improve clarity.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion, which is good for structure.
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